Mika Hakkinen is arguably one of the best drivers to compete in modern Formula One. But after a tough season that saw the two-time World Champion swing from lackluster weekends to fantastic wins, the Flying Finn is hanging up the helmet and taking a break. Will he ever come back? Timothy Collings bids farewell to one of Formula One's humourous and most loved drivers

The most reassuring thing about seeing Mika Hakkinen struggle with his own dilemmas these past few months has been that he was truly honest about them. He really does not know if he is resting or retiring. He really does not know if he should laugh or cry. He really cannot tell his fans if he will see them again. But he does know he is ready to take some time off and, if possible, disappear and lie on a beach.

"It could be nice, very nice, just to do nothing," he conceded at Suzuka in the build-up to his final race, the Japanese Grand Prix, in which he eased off to allow his McLaren Mercedes-Benz teammate David Coulthard a podium finish. Many within the Woking team believed the gesture was less an act of generosity than one of personal choice. Hakkinen simply did not want to go to another news conference. He wanted no more inquisitions. He just wanted to go away.

So, as the madding crowd were baying for his face across the circuit and around the paddock fences, as the thousands of Japanese fans who have loved him for a dozen years screamed for one more glimpse of his flazen-fringed face, the Finn drifted away into the airport-bound mob. "This is a happy day for me, not a sad one, I am glad it is all over. I have been waiting and waiting and now I can take a rest at last," he explained. "It is not a sad day at all."

Hakkinen's career, of course, has always been touched by difficult times. Twice World Champion, he also survived a life-threatening accident back in 1995, which left him with severe head injuries lying in an Adelaide hospital and surrounded by friends praying for his survival. He has also raced for a team, Lotus, which was careering towards financial collapse and extinction, struggled and triumphed in a career-long contest with arguably the finest all-round driver of the modern era, Michael Schumacher, and overcame a natural bashfulness to reveal a dry sense of humour and fun. Ask Johnny Herbert, of course, and he will tell you that Hakkinen was always mischievous. As a pair, following his Team Lotus debut in Phoenix, in 1991, they were a daunting double act and it was dubious privilege to be invited into a motor home with them that summer. They were likely to fight and joke and give no serious answers to their interrogators.

Contrary to the public and popular view, Hakkinen is an articulate man, but one who prefers to say what he means and to speak after thinking rather than reflect on his words once they have run away from him. On the track he was often brave and decisive (and never more than at Spa-Francorchamps in 2000), but off it he tended towards careful consideration in public to such a degree that his genuine humour and sense of fun was often hidden from view. In Arizona, for example, just a few hours before his career began, I remember him saying, when asked about his prospects for the race, 'oh, I will win, or at least that is what I will try to do....'

Such confidence in his ability came from years of tight competition and success, from knowing he had a glorious grasp of his natural speed, that he had won the British Formula Three title and the Macau Grand Prix in 1990, that he had won the Opel-Lotus Euroseries in 1988, that he had fought hard in karts against Schumacher since the days when they could walk and talk. "I am confident, but I am not too confident," he often said before races, including those big ones when his championship aspirations were on the line.

Remember Tokyo in 1998, when he was preparing for a series of news conferences on the eve of his first title triumph at Suzuka. He glided among the reporters, trying to hide his face, only to be ambushed behind piles of cakes and drinks for his views on his chances of realising a dream. The words came slowly with a painful grimace, but the concentration on the prize was palpable. He knew what he said and he was always gracious enough to smile. The same Hakkinen, months later, would appear in the service areas at the Monte Carlo rally and dig friends in the ribs and laugh. This is a man of emotion who prefers to keep himself out of public view.

That he could retain the friendship and admiration of Schumacher through their years of rivalry spoke volumes about his character and his ability. The German takes no prisoners, but Hakkinen was able to beat him and push him to his limits. Schumacher knew this and he respected it. He, more than anyone, will miss the Hakkinen who won at Silverstone and Indianapolis this year; the man who buckled and wept at Monza once the pressure overwhelmed him; the man who showed his strength by returning from South Australia, wiping away the blood and the anxiety and returning to race in 1996; the man who served the reputation of Finland more than anyone else.

"My racing career has been filled with great moments," he said. "Victories, championships, special days. Silverstone this year was special for me and winning at Indianapolis, too. For me they were very interesting days and memorable feelings. Inside the team, I have felt something really good with McLaren all these years. Like my home. I remember a lot, so many things, it is difficult to talk about them, but I suppose the win at Monte Carlo in 1998 when I also had pole position meant the most to me and to the team. That is a race for special people to win."

In Suzuka this year, as he counted down the hours, Hakkinen was a man apart. He could see the future but not what it held and he talked of the past and its emotions. He answered a thousand questions in the same old way. In another era, he might have had 50 wins and three or four world titles. But he thought more of his wife Erja, who had flown from Nice, abandoning her Cote d'Azur travel agency, to be at Hakkinen's bedside in 1995, and their son Hugo, than he did of himself. He wanted some privacy and some peace.

"I am not going to vanish, you know," he said. "I am staying around. But I just need a break from this business. I want to wake up and stay at home. I want to spend a bit of time around the house and just rest. I don't want an agenda and a lot of pushing and pressure. I need to wait a while to see what interests me and then I can talk about what lies ahead. Other guys have taken time off and came back and I am not worried about it. I know what I can do and what the team is all about, so let's see. Let's just wait and see what happens, okay?"

Hakkinen will watch carefully and with pleasure as Kimi Raikkonen, another Finn, follows him at McLaren. He will recall his friend and mentor Keke Rosberg's mantra and smile. 'If you want to win, take a Finn,' chants the old champion with the walrus moustache. But Hakkinen knows there is more to racing than speed and blue eyes. "Kimi is very fast and he is talented, but he has so much to learn. He needs some time. I think he will work hard to catch up with David (Coulthard) and eventually he will do it, but it will not be easy. And then will I come back? I don't know. Not yet. Let's see what happens first."