Williams Unveil Revolting Car Freaky beast designed to turn competitors white with fright Valencia, Spain. Droves of frightened citizens were seen fleeing Valencia shortly after the BMW WilliamsF1 team unveiled their 2004 challenger, the FW26, at the local circuit this week. According to surviving witnesses it was a blindfolded Frank Williams, team principal of the BMW WilliamsF1 team, who took the drapes off the new FW26 Formula One car amidst gasps of horror and screams of mercy from visiting members of the press. "It will be immediately evident to still conscious onlookers that a high degree of gothic and stomach turning design has gone into the FW26," said chief designer Gavin Fisher. "We were asked to design a 'Ferrari beater' and we have now a car that will not only do that but also proceed to physically beat up everyone else in the Melbourne paddock afterwards."

Ralf Schumacher and David Coulthard Agree that 2004 could be a Great Year; Historical Agreement Applauded Worldwide London, England. Formula One hopefuls Ralf Schumacher and David Coulthard released a joint statement to the press earlier today that said 2004 could indeed be a great year for both of them. An agreement was reached after weeks of heavy discussions between the two drivers and their lawyers. In recent years there has been a disagreement between Ralf Schumacher and David Coulthard on whether the coming year will be "hopeless" or "Coulthard's" but it is hoped that this joint statement will clear the air and allow the fans, press and teams to focus on next season without any distractions. Tom Walkinshaw Captured! Former Arrows owner found in a hole in Kent, England Paris, France. The FIA announced at a press conference today that former Arrows owner Tom Walkinshaw had been captured in a hole in Kent, England. The notorious team principal put up no resistance when arrested by FIA officials. "We had offered a reward of old Arrows merchandise for any information that could lead to Walkinshaw's capture," said a FIA spokesman. "And thanks to a Mr. H Frentzen of Germany we were finally able to pinpoint his location." When apprehended, Walkinshaw was found clutching a 2002 F1 entry form, an old Damon Hill cap and a Cosworth Engine.   SIDEBAR Bahrain Circuit FIA's investigation of circuit's run-off area enters 5th year D. Coulthard Sold for three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree. Sir Terry Rowduck "A large part of the excitement that makes Formula One went missing the day they stopped placing the fuel tank between the driver's legs" M. Schumacher Schumacher has better skis than local ski hero Sven Olafson, say Norwegian neighbors

Briatore and Klum Expecting a Baby! Flavio thanks engineers for a job well done Venice, Italy. Renault's managing director Flavio Briatore and supermodel Heidi Klum are expecting their first baby, it was announced today. In a statement issued by Briatore on behalf of the couple, the Italian said that he wished to thank his team's engineers for a job well done. "Without your support, expertise and technical drawings I am not sure I would have known what to do," said Briatore in the touching statement. The Italian then announced that the technical department was now free to return to its normal duty of designing a Formula One car for next season.

About the author:
Reginald Kincaid was born on 30th November 1912. Following graduation from the Royal Military College in Sandhurst he was commissioned in the Forth Hussars in February 1931. While stationed in Egypt with his brigade in 1934, he led the famous "Elgar" high speed camel expeditions that explored and documented the vast sand seas of Libya. In his own words he soon after became addicted to the "fine art of travelling fast" but exchanged camels for cars. Kincaid's exploits in European motor racing became legendary after being documented in his best selling biography "Racing with a stiff upper lip". Reginald Kincaid retired in 1991 and has been covering motor racing ever since. He now lives in Surrey, England, and tends to his hobby of beekeeping.