Jaguar to Focus on Comfort and Style Instead of Performance Air conditioning and leather seats to be standard from the Imola GP London, England. The motorsport arm of the Jaguar corporation announced at a press conference today that instead of trying to compete with "performance crazy" Formula One teams Ferrari and McLaren, Jaguar would instead focus on comfort and style from the San Marino Grand Prix and onwards. Jaguar Racing's director John Hogan told reporters that the target market for Formula One cars had simply been too small. "According to our research the target market for a 200 million dollar 880 horsepower full blown Formula One racer is restricted to two elderly gentlemen in Tokyo," he said. "This new car will treat our drivers to a ride that's comfortable, quiet and smooth, even when the road conditions aren't," said massively embarrassed designer John Stuart. "Plus it's got an impressive collection of standard features. All in all, our forthcoming Formula One racer is one of those rare things in life that can actually lift your spirits just by thinking about it. So just imagine what happens when you drive it." "It looks good, although a bit unexpected," said visibly shocked team driver Mark Webber. "At least we shouldn't have any reliability problems when we are lapped."
The Brazilian GP Photo Review According to Minardi's Paul Stoddart, work on the 2004 car is progressing nicely, with many new components arriving after the Brazilian Grand Prix. Although supporting the neck muscles during driving and in accidents, the HANS system caused unfortunate side effects when removed.		SIDEBAR McLaren Heavily modified MP4/17D now weighing two tons Imola Weather Forecast Friday: Floods, storms Saturday: Meteor showers Sunday: Swarms of Locusts, Killer Bees Sir Terry Rowduck "Working out 8 hours in the gym? Stirling got all the exercise he needed between the sheets" G. Fisichella Eddie Jordan to have winning driver stuffed and mounted in honour of glorious victory.
Ferrari's information minister Jean Todt says Ferrari are still firmly in control of the championship Todt: "We are roasting Ron Dennis's stomach" Fiorano, Italy. Ferrari's sporting director and information minister Jean Todt announced at a press conference today that all was well at Ferrari's headquarters in Fiorano in spite of lackluster performances in the opening races. "The McLaren mercenaries came to Australia and our heroic drivers crushed them," said Todt. "We overtook them left and right in Malaysia, confused them and then crushed them again in Brazil." When asked about Ferrari's points situation and McLaren's superiority at the top of the table, Todt responded angrily: "Don't believe the lies. We are outqualifying, out-racing and pounding them at every Grand Prix. I am not scared and neither should you be."   Sir Jackie Stewart whispers to the Foster's grid girl that he considers her to be the "next Senna" F1's greatest talent spotter thinks he is onto something good Imola, Italy. Legendary driver and famous talent spotter Sir Jackie Stewart whispered today to Foster's grid girl Monica Amber that she was probably the next Senna and would get far with his guidance. Amber, who has never driven a car, was nevertheless thrilled by Stewart's analysis of her talents. "He probably liked the way that I held the umbrella over the car," said Amber. "I've been training for weeks and this Sonna guy probably did it in a similar way." Amber now joins the illustrious rank of young talents spotted by Stewart, including Jan Magnussen, Luciano Burti and Ms. Bam Bam Coco, a famous Vegas stripper.

About the author:
Reginald Kincaid was born on 30th November 1912. Following graduation from the Royal Military College in Sandhurst he was commissioned in the Forth Hussars in February 1931. While stationed in Egypt with his brigade in 1934, he led the famous "Elgar" high speed camel expeditions that explored and documented the vast sand seas of Libya. In his own words he soon after became addicted to the "fine art of travelling fast" but exchanged camels for cars. Kincaid's exploits in European motor racing became legendary after being documented in his best selling biography "Racing with a stiff upper lip". Reginald Kincaid retired in 1991 and has been covering motor racing ever since. He now lives in Surrey, England, and tends to his hobby of beekeeping.