Toyota acquire medical & dental blueprints of Ferrari bosses Cologne, Germany. Toyota announced today to a group of reporters that the team had acquired the medical and dental records of Ferrari's Jean Todt and Ross Brawn. "We bought the blueprints from a masked man behind a local supermarket in Milan," said Toyota's Gustav Brunner. "We have already produced 20 copies of Jean Todt so Toyota F1 certainly won't be lacking in team management next season." According to Toyota insiders, manufacturing from the photocopied medical records has mostly gone according to plan with all Jean Todts agreeing on team strategy with the only hiccup being Jean Todt #9 occasionally radioing team driver Cristiano da Matta and demanding that he allow teammate Oliver Panis to "pass for the shampionship". In an unrelated incident, inside sources at Ferrari did reveal yesterday that a curious number of Toyota engineers had been spotted near the Ferrari garage at the Suzuka Grand Prix casually trying to measure Michael Schumacher's torso.
Millionaire Jordan forced to sell one of his Monaco yachts "Tragedy," say F1 fans Dublin, Ireland. Tragedy struck the world of F1 when Irish multi-millionaire Eddie Jordan was forced to sell the smaller of two humongous private yachts to acquire cash for his struggling Formula One team. This decision was a major blow to the Irishman's many working class fans who had hoped Jordan would be able to continue his hobby of managing racing cars without curbing his jetset lifestyle.		Bernie Ecclestone renames FOCA to SPECTRE Paris, France. Bernie Ecclestone interrupted television broadcast signals worldwide today and announced the renaming of FOCA to SPECTRE. Gently stroking an old white Jacques Villeneuve wig he told viewers that unless all his demands were met he would be forced to cancel more Grands Prix. The GPWC were unavailable for comment but did say that an agent had been dispatched.
Justin Wilson climbs Silverstone control tower clutching Jaguar seat "National emergency declared" Silverstone, England. Minutes after Jaguar Racing announced Christian Klien as the team's second driver for the 2004 season, their former driver Justin Wilson, bellowing loudly, grabbed his racing seat and in a single giant leap jumped onto the Silverstone control tower. According to witnesses, Wilson then clutched the tower antenna while flailing his arms at surrounding Pipers and Cessnas. Soda company perfect for F1 team London, England. A straight-faced sponsorship executive at a Formula One team told reporters yesterday that a newly signed soda company was a perfect partner to ensure future victories in the sport. "We are delighted to welcome the soda company as a partner of our Team," the executive said. "Manufacturing carbonated water is at the core of the soda company's business and also a critical factor for our team and our F1 operation. We are a perfect fit, and look forward to a successful future together."   SIDEBAR J. Villeneuve Finally free to speak his mind K. Rosberg Adopts 3 more promising drivers Sir Terry Rowduck "Cheating in F1? In the golden days that would have meant the swift punishment of having to buy everyone a round of drinks" A. Wurz Still undecided on team and socks

About the author:
Reginald Kincaid was born on 30th November 1912. Following graduation from the Royal Military College in Sandhurst he was commissioned in the Forth Hussars in February 1931. While stationed in Egypt with his brigade in 1934, he led the famous "Elgar" high speed camel expeditions that explored and documented the vast sand seas of Libya. In his own words he soon after became addicted to the "fine art of travelling fast" but exchanged camels for cars. Kincaid's exploits in European motor racing became legendary after being documented in his best selling biography "Racing with a stiff upper lip". Reginald Kincaid retired in 1991 and has been covering motor racing ever since. He now lives in Surrey, England, and tends to his hobby of beekeeping.