Sauron's Ring seized at Ferrari HQ FIA says Ring powerful enough to rule all the other teams and in darkness bind them		Chief Orc and Ferrari designer Rory Byrne was also arrested while digging for beryllium in the mines outside of Fiorano
FIA special forces sneak into Ferrari's headquarters Mordor, Italy. In a daring raid earlier today, FIA security forces attacked the Ferrari headquarters at Mordor and seized a powerful and dangerous glowing ring from the clutches of team manager Jean Todt. Onlookers said the security forces barged through the gates of the giant Ferrari building and swept into the main complex. A few minutes later high pitched screams of "My precious!" could be heard, followed by FIA personnel escorting a small, hunched creature, identified as Jean Todt, into custody. "We also confiscated a number of classified documents which reveal that dark and sinister plans were afoot at Ferrari," said FIA president Max Mosley. "Unfortunately, the dark wizard Luca di Montezemolo managed to climb onto of his dragon and escape to the south, but we expect to catch him when he runs out of fuel." Ferrari team drivers Michael Schumacher and Rubens Barrichello - or 'my dark riders', as Luca di Montezemolo supposedly called them - were found not guilty, having thought to have fallen under the power of the ring and been forced to sign multi million dollar contracts. Formula One driver Jacques Villeneuve has been given the task by the FIA to destroy the dangerous ring by throwing it into the FIA 2002 rule shredder.
Technical Update With Dr. Klaus Hergerscheimer Messenger pigeons to replace banned telemetry systems at Ferrari Ferrari confirmed reports that they are training messenger pigeons to replace the telemetry system that will be banned this year, as of the British Grand Prix. "Yes, we have been testing pigeons," said Ferrari technical director Ross Brawn, covered in bird droppings. "During the race a pigeon is released from the pit walll; it flies towards the car and perks on the airbox. Michael then writes down the oil temperature, rolls up the message and ties it to the pigeon which then of course flies back to the pits." According to Ferrari insiders, intensive testing took place earlier this month at the Fiorano test track, when thousands of pigeons were transported to a special training camp. After weeks of training the best pigeon were selected, as others less able crashed into Sauber drivers or perched on trees out of reach of jumping Ferrari technicians. Rudolf. Michael Schumacher's private messenger pigeon "We tested with Rudolf, our elite pigeon, at Barcelona and he performed to the brilliant standards we expected of him," Brawn said. "In spite of fierce winds and sporadic shotgun fire from Max Mosley in the FIA paddock, Rudolf managed to deliver every single message from Michael's car to the pits." Pancho. Rubens Barrichello's private messenger chicken According to observers, Rubens Barrichello's messenger chicken Pancho disappointed in Barcelona as, in spite of numerous attempts, the feathered Ferrari employee failed to take off from the ground.		SIDEBAR M. Schumacher To demand absolute silence in grandstands while qualifying R. Dennis Publishes his annual "Teams and pets worth saving" list Sir Terry Rowduck "In-car water bottles? In the old days Stirling never exited the pits without a crate of whiskey" F. Briatore Asks manufacturers if they find Max troublesome
McLaren Ace Designer Adrian Newey Spending 10% of his Time on Designing the New Car, 90% on Tetris "Just one more game and I'll finish that rear wing," says the Briton Adrian squeezing in one short game of Tetris during a pit stop Woking, England. McLaren's Technical Director Adrian Newey told reporters yesterday that he had managed to split his business hours between working and his love of playing Tetris. "Yes, McLaren have entrusted me with designing their 2003 Ferrari beater," said Newey, "and as soon as I finish this game I'll start working on it." McLaren have decided to start the 2003 season with a modified version of this year's MP4-17D and introduce the new MP4-18 when it is ready. "Adrian won't have to spend any time on developing the MP4/17D car that will spearhead our challenge in the early races," said team chief Ron Dennis. "I have instructed McLaren employees not to disturb Adrian as it is very important that he can concentrate totally on the job of designing the new McLaren MP4/18." Newey told reporters that he also considered it necessary to browse aimlessly around various websites every 10 minutes to "get fresh ideas for the car."

About the author:
Reginald Kincaid was born on 30th November 1912. Following graduation from the Royal Military College in Sandhurst he was commissioned in the Forth Hussars in February 1931. While stationed in Egypt with his brigade in 1934, he led the famous "Elgar" high speed camel expeditions that explored and documented the vast sand seas of Libya. In his own words he soon after became addicted to the "fine art of travelling fast" but exchanged camels for cars. Kincaid's exploits in European motor racing became legendary after being documented in his best selling biography "Racing with a stiff upper lip". Reginald Kincaid retired in 1991 and has been covering motor racing ever since. He now lives in Surrey, England, and tends to his hobby of beekeeping.