No, this is not a socio-political comment about this bastion of French culture. But as Rubens Barrichello and Nick Heidfeld could tell you, Montreal can give you a real ass-kicking. McLaren, Benetton, Arrows and BAR would no doubt concur.

WELCOME TO MONTREAL. DON’T LET THE WALL KICK YOU IN THE ASS ON THE WAY OUT

No, this is not a socio-political comment about this bastion of French culture. But as Rubens Barrichello and Nick Heidfeld could tell you, Montreal can give you a real ass-kicking. McLaren, Benetton, Arrows and BAR would no doubt concur. And while there's still a long way to go, Montreal may also have delivered a blow to the chin of the Championship race that buckled its knees and presages the inevitable knock out punch. Michael Schumacher's lead is now 18 points but, perhaps more significantly, McLaren and its drivers are beginning to look decidedly ordinary.

David Coulthard still looks like a competent #2 but unfortunately for McLaren he is the de facto team leader this year. If we ignore Ron Dennis's verbal hairballs, the team did place the blame for the last two races on the car and, if we are to believe the press releases, last weekend's pitiful showing was also due to some as yet undiagnosed mechanical problem that meant that the car would not turn right. Maybe they've hired one too many people with NASCAR experience. Maybe Coulthard was just born under a particularly malicious alignment of the stars but throughout his career he has been prevented from reaching the top rank for a variety of reasons. Rather than plunge too deeply into astrology, Dyanetics or quantum theory, maybe it would be simpler to assume that there is only one reason underlying all of his problems. As the number two driver in a top team, Coulthard has reached the limit of his abilities.

Maybe he did have a NASCAR set-up on Sunday but what did this have to do with his so-so qualifying performance on Saturday. Maybe his stall at Monaco was completely beyond his control but was it launch control that prevented him passing a car 4 seconds slower than him for over 30 laps? DC is just not championship material. Michael Schumacher has won races from umpteenth on the grid and with significantly less than the standard issue number of gears. DC can't seem to win 'em unless his bio-rhythms are in harmony with the car's birthstone and the moon is in the seventh sign. (Mika taking a year's sabbatical helps too).

ALL THE NEWEYS THAT’S FIT TO PRINT

Rumors that the Atlas F1 news section will be renamed the Atlas F1 Newey's section are completely wrong. Well, at this point it seems unlikely anyway. OK, so it came up at the last staff meeting. To be honest, we're just waiting for another half dozen Newey related news items before implementing the change.

As everybody that reads this site must know by now, Adrian Newey has signed a contract with Jaguar. And one with McLaren. Maybe this simply seemed to him to be the easiest way to double his salary. Although given his reputation in F1, just asking for it may have been a sufficiently crafty negotiating ploy. As with all good F1 stories, this one will now be seen out in the courts and you can almost hear the sound of McLaren's lawyers planning their next trip to the Bahamas.

It does make you wonder exactly what Ron Dennis said to Newey when he found out that his star designer had already signed on with Jaguar. Money can't have been much of a factor. When you're talking 4 or so million, it's really just a way of keeping score (or so I'm led to believe). And I can't imagine we're going to see Ron skippering a 12 metre yacht any time soon (unless I've misinterpreted some comments about McLaren being all at sea). Maybe he just threatened to have Tom Walkinshaw start talking about him.

FRUGAL WITH THE TRUTH

And talking Walkinshaw, it seems that all those stories we heard about Dennis and Norbert Haug confronting Enrique Bernoldi after Monaco are, and who would believe that this could happen in F1, not strictly true. Apparently, Ron Dennis has a recording of their conversation, although exactly why and how he would have this has not been adequately explained. The story du jour is now that Tom Walkinshaw made the whole thing up. And that's a story even I wouldn't make up. Apparently, Robert Burns came early to the Arrows camp this year (although it should be noted that he was on a light fuel load and was using ultra thin brake disks on the assumption that one way or another he wouldn't make the whole distance anyway).

While we eagerly await the transcript of this conversation, it is interesting to speculate as to exactly what it is that Walkinshaw uses to keep his ears apart that would lead him to tell fairy tales about an event that took place in front of witnesses holding recording devices.

IT’S MY TRACK AND YOU CAN’T PLAY WITH IT

The difference between men and boys is the speed of their toys. While valiantly fighting for mid-field honors during Friday practice, which as we all know, is the most important session during which to set a fast lap time, Jacques Villeneuve and Juan Pablo Montoya came to blows as to exactly which of them can drive the slowest when they want to. While we weren't privy to the incident that Villeneuve claims started it all, we did all get to see the hairless one brake test Montoya a few corners later. Up until this point, this was simply business as usual for a pair of childish, overpaid morons. It turned really farcical shortly thereafter when Villeneuve complained that Montoya's little shove caused his suspension failure and crash a lap later. Even if it did, which seems unlikely given that the tap Montoya gave Villeneuve wouldn't have troubled the 5 mph bumper on my '88 Ford, isn't it just the tiniest bit stupid to complain that the guy you brake-tested, rear-ended you. That's why I don't do it on I-93 any more. (Well not unless the guy behind me spoilt a particularly good run from home to work).

AND FINALLY

For those of you who read my review of Drivel, the mystery has finally been revealed (well one of them). There was a typo in the script and what Rambo intended was an Irvine/Heidfeld type display of synchronized spinning.