|ATLAS F1 Volume 6, Issue 48||Email to Friend Printable Version|
|The Winter F1 Insider|
|by Mitchell McCann, U.S.A.|
A long time ago, in a newsgroup far, far, away...
It occurred to me that much of the discussion was boring, repetitive and ill-informed. And that was just my contribution. In an effort to alleviate some of the more predictably, contentious postings, I put together a standardised post for the benefit of the entire newsgroup community.
Now, five years later, it occurred to me that not only isn't there anything for me to write about this week but also that some members of our own beloved Atlas F1 bulletin board might appreciate the same sort of thing. And so, without too much more further ado, here it is:
THE ATLAS F1 BULLETIN BOARD HANDBOOK:
HOW TO KNOW IT ALL WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
As there seems to be a lot of noise (© AOL) on the BB, especially right after a race, I thought I would make a form for a generic post, to cut down on the need for you to think about what you're posting.
This form should be used to post your opinions, and in fact, after you've used this form a couple of times you should be able to post your thoughts on a race without thinking at all - which of course will be no change at all for some people.
For the most efficient use of this form, print it off, fill it out, put it in a self addressed envelope, and slip it down the back of the fridge.
Thank you for your co-operation.
1. What a great lousy race. (You may check both boxes because it seems the participants on the Bulletin Board generally watch two completely different races anyway)
2. Schumacher did didn't deserve to win.
3. is a very tough track to pass on. (Mandatory - please fill in the name of this week's venue)
4. Please check one of the following:
Verstappen should have won because:
Hakkinen should have won because:
5. Check one:
Hakkinen is a whiny bastard who only got where he is today because Michael Andretti's American.
6. Minardi is:
Doing very well considering their tiny budget
Going once, going twice...
7. The membership of this Bulletin Board is getting:
on my nerves
8. The next piece to fall off a Prost will be:
smaller than the last one
funnier than the last one
not at all surprising
9. Check one:
They shouldn't ban re-fueling because I'm looking forward to the big one.
10. I am in favour of an inverted grid. The fastest cars should:
11. I think posting to the bulletin board in any language should be allowed because:
al este cestanze de la joya
la plume de ma tante est dans le jardin
12. Points should be awarded for: (you may check as many of the following as you like)
lapping back markers
spinning and crashing
not being Michael Schumacher
making the tea
driving a Minardi
13. Atlas F1 t-shirts:
14. Defining one's worth by the quantity of one's posts is like:
15. Pit stops are:
stupid and boring
16. Mitchell McCann is:
stupid and boring
witty, charming, erudite and incredibly good looking
McLaren are cheating and Ferrari are bleating.
Made in France is a label that should be used for wine and croissants like at that really chic French restaurant, Au Bon Pain.
England is the center of global motorsports. So is Indianapolis. And so is Maranello.
France is a country in Europe.
When Ferrari say they'll win the championship next year, you can take that to the bank. The bank might tell you to put it back where you found it but don't take no for an answer.
Peugeot will never, ever, EVER be back (probably) and Ferrari will win it again. It'll probably be Rubens next year if he gets equal treatment. No it won't. YES IT WILL... (What about Fangio?)
I believe everything I read on the Bulletin Board.
Please ensure that you use this form for all future posts. By my calculations, use of this form should reduce the noise on the Bulletin Board by about 96.4%. (Please bear in mind however that 68.3% of all statistics are made up on the spot.)
|Mitch McCann||© 2000 Kaizar.Com, Incorporated.|
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