The Formula One Insider

	by Mitchell McCann, U.S.A.

WHEEL MEET AGAIN McLaren are still having trouble with the simplest invention ever known to man - the wheel. Although our caving dwelling ancestors had the concept pretty well figured out, except for the part about installing it vertically, it seems McLaren can either attach the thing to the car or keep it in one piece. Its an either/or proposition - they can't do both. They're also having trouble with the refuelling concept. Guys! Round peg, round whole! How hard can it be? (Do you think their refueller has any kids?) Maybe they're just refusing to accept the head start that Michael Schumacher tried to give them at Silverstone. As hard as Ferrari has tried to lose the championship the last few... decades, McLaren are trying even harder not to win. And talking of David Coulthard... who needs Jos Verstappen now that DC is back in wall-banging form. I bet it won't be long before he starts wearing his balaclava backwards. It has been announced that Coulthard has been re-signed for next year. I just wonder for whom he has re-signed. As this new contract was awarded immediately after DC took out his team-mate and was immediately followed by a stirring 5th place in the fastest car on the track, I think its safe to assume that its not McLaren that's picking up his paycheque. And a few final mental flushings while watching the German GP race: do you think Villeneuve just couldn't be bothered to wait for his engine to explode? Does Ford know the object of this game? Was the person who designed this track completely unimaginative or just really, really bored? (I was so tempted to write "really, really German" but I've already mentioned Jos in this column and I just can't be bothered with all the extra e-mail). Who IS that bald guy that's always standing next to Erja Hakkinen? If he's a minder I think Mika could've made a better hiring decision but if he's a stalker, I tell you, he's got to be the world's greatest stalker! Does Eddie Jordan's choice of facial hair arrangement get more strange every week or did it just start out so really, really strange that it still surprises me every time I see it? Does anybody know who put the 'Super' in Supertec? Anybody know who took it out again? If you cross Ford with Stewart in the rain, do you get a wet Fart? OK. I've resorted to toilet humour. Time to move on. THE RETURN OF SCHUMACHER'S RETURN, PART IV, REVISITED - THE SEQUEL Michael Schumacher will return in time for the Hungarian GP. In fact, he's recovering so well that the Hungarian GP will be held on Thursday. Oh! Wait a minute. Michael Schumacher will not return until Suzuka. In 2000. As long as its postponed until 2001. No! That's not right. Michael Schumacher will be back for Spa. Or was it Malaysia? Or was it Ralf will be back for Spa? Or Aida will be back in time for Michael? The truth of it all is that Michael will not be back until it's clear whether he's gonna have to play second fiddle to his second fiddle. Somehow I can't see him coming back to help Irvine win the title that he's been trying to win for four years and Ferrari has been trying to win forever (has it really been THAT long). The whole point of him going to Ferrari was for him to become a demigod in Italy. I don't think he's going to give up immortality quite that easily. So Michael will be back when he damn well feels like it and I gotta tell you, if I had a worker's comp. policy paying me a $100,000 a day to sit at home, it'd be a cold day in hell before I felt like I had the energy to get off my butt and walk to the kitchen. HILL RETIRES From the race or from F1? Who knows? Maybe he's going to keep going until the end of the season but will retire from each race individually. It'd be a unique way of going out and would be fully consistent with every statement that he's made for the last month. I notice that there's been a lot of silence from the Jordan team regarding the exact reason for Hill's retirement in Germany except a vague statement about Damon not liking the brakes. Send him out without brakes in Hungary. See if he likes that any better. THE WORLD'S FAVOURITE COVERAGE I don't know about the rest of the world but here in the U.S. the wonderful people at Speedvision spent some time telling us how wonderful RTL, the German host broadcaster, was and how they won the award for best coverage every year etc. etc. Did anybody notice Wurz's in-car camera? Did anybody notice it before lap 31? Did anybody notice it for more than 44 seconds? Apparently the best producers in the world completely forgot about this camera until their summer intern, Kurt, accidentally dropped his schnitzel on the appropriate button. (Isn't a schnitzel a small dog?) This was a damn shame because for the first half of the race Wurz was involved in all sorts of action with Hill and Panis and Herbert. Unfortunately, by the time the producer remembered that the somewhat sticky button to his right operated this camera, the race was pretty much over and Wurz was surrounded by miles of empty track. Thank God it wasn't the BBC, eh?

Mitch McCann	© 1999 Atlas Formula One Journal.
Send comments to: mccann@atlasf1.com	Terms & Conditions