An Insider Special
But aren't they all?	by Mitchell McCann, U.S.A.

AND NOW, THE END IS NEAR... As we head to the land of the rising sun, it seems we will get to watch two of F1's famous sons ride off into the sunset. Although Ken Tyrrell took his leave earlier in the season when he found he couldn't say "Rosset" without giggling and thinking of a potato, his team will drag out the fat lady at Suzuka. Next year, the remnants of Uncle Ken's team will debut as BAR (I think it stands for 'Buy A Ride'). Joining Tyrrell in the history books, more as a footnote than a chapter, will be Jos Verstappen. Having followed a string of teammates around the tracks of the world, Jos' limited supply of financial support appears to be all tapped out and his career will therefore have to rely purely on his talent. It seems Suzuka will therefore also see the fulsome female belting out a tune for the flower of Holland. Now don't get me wrong. No matter what you may have read in some of my previous columns, I have nothing against Jos. Compared to me, Jos is clearly a phenomenal driver who could beat me in any car on any track with both hands tied behind his back. Unfortunately for Jos though, in the end it didn't make much difference how he compared to me. Compared to the average F1 driver, it looked like he drove any car on any track with both hands tied behind his back. He will doubtless go on to a rewarding, exciting, perhaps even successful career in sports cars or touring cars or whatever and I wish him well. Except in the minds of 100,000 card-carrying, tulip waving, e-mail-writing fanatics, Jos Verstappen will quickly become a distant memory. His supporters will be missed. But we'll reload and aim more carefully the next time. Jos was an inviting target for frequent Insider barbs but it was his supporters who were so easy to tweak. Every Jos joke I ever wrote was guaranteed to fill up my inbox. The official Jos web-site even promoted a letter-writing campaign in an attempt to get me to stop. I expect this column to have the same effect. Make the most of it guys. May be the last chance you get. Tyrrell is another story altogether. Ken Tyrrell and his team spanned so many eras in F1; buying their first car "off the rack" and going on to win both championships in their second year! Perhaps Tyrrell, man and team, have outlived their time in F1. Apart from their 1987 'championships' in the normally aspirated division, Tyrrell has had little success for a couple of decades. But the team continued to be innovators bringing to the series raised noses, six-wheelers and most recently the X-wing. Yes, the X-wings were about as attractive as a mole on Cindy Crawford but I for one was keenly hoping that they would give Tyrrell some advantage. I'll bet that there's not a F1 fan in the world that wouldn't have loved to see Tyrrell chalk up the odd victory or two. I never met Ken Tyrrell, although I was lucky enough to be present when he was 'roasted' in Montreal earlier this year, but he has always struck me as one of the most decent, honorable, passionate and caring men in F1. OK, that may not be saying much but F1 will clearly be a poorer place for the absence of Uncle Ken and the Tyrrell Racing Organisation. ROCCO - CLOWN PRINCE OF BENETTON After an uneventful year with Dave Richards at the helm, Benetton appear to be trying to relive the glory days of Flavio Briatore. Richards will be replaced by 29 year old Rocco Benetton whose vast experience is highlighted by his year as Commercial Director. (No, I don't think he was the one who came up with "United Colours of Benetton"). His first move is expected to be to replace those nasty nomex suits the pit-crew wears with some really nice sweaters, presumably worn over the shoulders with the arms casually knotted in front. Nipped waists, slender silhouettes and techno-vibe fabrics, suggest a menswear season that's mixing the classic with the faux-classic. The pit-crew will assume their positions in the box by sashaying along a catwalk and pirouetting to their positions to the beat of "I'm Too Sexy For My Car". After lunch, Rocco will take a nap before playtime. In his spare time, Rocco will continue to perform clown and magic shows for birthday parties, Bar Mitzvahs or that special occasion when you really want to impress a client. (Reasonable prices - balloon animals extra!) Of course, the question that's on everybody's mind is "How will Rocco and Sylvester Stallone greet each other when they first meet" and can Rocco get Rocky to stop dressing like your average street corner pervert? THE PALUKA IN SUZUKA 'The Rumble in the Jungle". "The Thriller in Manila". "The War at the Shore". Boxing has come up with some memorable names for some of its biggest fights. Unfortunately, all I could come up with for this season's F1 climax was an obscure reference to Jos Verstappen. (Sorry, last one ever). The problem is clearly that F1 races are held in places that are impossible to rhyme. I mean, what the hell can you rhyme with Spa-Francorchamps or Magny-Cours? And they're getting worse. I can't even pronounce Zuhai and Kuala Lumpur much less rhyme them. Lets have some races in Cape Town, Kabul, Seattle or Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch Despite the lack of a catchy name, the final race of the season is the big one and I'm sure that by the end of the day there will be someone that deserves the title of The Palooka in Suzuka. Whether it is one of the protagonists (and Schumacher will clearly have "The Mess in Jerez" on his mind), one of their team mates (don't forget Coulthard's "Brawl with the Wall") or even one of their brothers (remember "The Blundering at the Nurburgring"), each of the key figures has a demonstrated ability to really cock things up in a major league way. It should be Lots of Fun Under the Rising Sun as they go Mano a Mano on the Outskirts of Tokyo. COMPETITION The last competition was to see who could predict whether I would even remember that I'd held a competition. All those who wrote to say that I would remember are therefore wrong. Everybody else, give yourself a big one-handed clap. (That's A clap, not THE clap). This week's competition is to predict the controversial incident, decision or ruling that determines the outcome of the championship. Answers on a jellyfish to the usual address. AND FINALLY... Please don't write to tell me that Suzuka is not on the outskirts of Tokyo. I know, really I do.

Mitch McCann	© 1998 Atlas Formula One Journal.
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