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| The Formula One Insider | |
| Where the 1st amendment meets the 5th | by Mitchell McCann, U.S.A. |
BELGIUM waffles but it don't fall down. THE INSIDER RETURNS Will only be accepted in their original wrappers and with a receipt. But seriously folks....It's good to be back. As many of you know, Jos and I took a short mid-season break together. After months of antagonism we decided to bury the hatchet and we agreed that I wouldn't tell any more Jos jokes if he didn't drive any more F1 cars. Well, we're back and if Ford ever gets into the engine building business, I'll be ready to put the spin on his spins. I guess not much has changed since I've been gone. Magnussen has apparently stopped being the most promising driver since Senna but he's only going to be missed by the Minardi drivers who, once again, will have no use for their mirrors. Jackie Stewart has coincidentally, stopped being the most promising team-owner since Alain Prost. Mike Gascoyne has apparently stopped making maps for Tyrrell and is now making cars for Jordan. Perhaps Eddie misunderstood what 'cartographer' meant on his CV. Gary Anderson has returned to Thunderbirds where he will be working closely with Parker under Lady Penelope's hood, if you know what I mean. John Barnard is on the move again although he's still refusing to actually move. If you were watching closely, you would have seen John supervising the clean-up of the first lap melee at Spa. He was last seen behind the pits with a flatbed loaded with Prosts, Ferraris and Stewarts and a jumbo-size tube of superglue. And finally, before we dive into the news, just a couple of personal notes from my trip to Montreal. (I know its old news but long ago I gave you the choice - fast, accurate and cheap - pick two - so don't go blaming me now). We were given a rare treat as the drivers were paraded around the track before the race in beautiful vintage cars. (A first for Montreal where generally customers can learn why the concept of "French hospitality" is losing EuroDisney a small fortune every year). Rosset's was the one with the meter running. On a cold, miserable day all the drivers happily sat on top of the seats waving to the crowds except one. I won't name names but, for those in the know, I will tell you his name rhymes with "happy pen". I guess he's from one of those tropical countries where they don't have wind. Thanks to the wonderful people at GP Tours, I got to attend the roast for Ken Tyrrell on the Saturday night in Montreal. The interesting thing was, the event did nothing to change my opinion of either Uncle Ken, who was humorous, interesting and clearly passionate about the sport, or Bernie Ecclestone, who didn't show up due to unforeseen circumstances. To be fair though, the price of gas in Canada took me by surprise too. WHEN IS A PENALTY NOT A PENALTY?
Maybe it's because he drives a Ferrari but for whatever reason, Schumacher clearly sees red when he sees yellow. But, as at Silverstone when he got to serve his penalty after the race finished, his penalty for speeding under a yellow at Spa was something less than Draconian. His 4th place qualifying time was thrown out and he was relegated to....4th. I'm beginning to think that Irvine's continued employment with Ferrari may be due to the one quality he brings to the team that Schumacher doesn't - the luck of the Irish. RICARDO ROSSET - DEM'S DE BRAKES Ricardo Rosset finally had some place to go on a Sunday afternoon. It seems the team discovered the problem that had caused Rosset to fall afoul of the 107% rule the last few races, and removed his brakes. This worked fine in qualifying but as Wannabe arrived on the scene of the first lap accident, a bare 10 seconds behind the rest of the pack, and noticed the severe lack of passing opportunities, he was left with a bare second or two to contemplate the fact that it might have been nice if the FIA had reduced the width of the cars even more this year. No sooner was the thought complete in his mind than he began the task of reducing the width of several of the cars which were awaiting his arrival. He even tried to reduce the width of Barrichello himself. Unfortunately, deep though his pockets may be, Wannabe's budget did not extend to a spare car and he spent another miserable Sunday afternoon wandering around the paddock trying to be recognized. Craig Pollock was seen pursuing him demanding his insurance information. Ken Tyrrell could be heard laughing all the way to the pub. DAVID COULTHARD - MAN OF MYSTERY Why did he suddenly veer to the right after the first start? (Apart from a known affinity for pit-walls everywhere). Why did he offer to give Schumacher a piggy-back ride to the finish? What does he wear under his kilt? David Coulthard is certainly a man of mystery. How did he get to drive the best car on the grid? Why can't he drive it very well? What has Mika promised him and and will David enjoy it? Is it legal and will everybody get one? Where does one purchase the equipment and what side-effects can one expect? Is a mickle the same as a muckle and why would anyone take the high road? Wee David had, all in all, an interesting weekend. In the strict tradition of checking at least one fact, we can reveal that David did have a little assistance in finding the wall. Eddie Irvine will probably tone down his lap-dog act this week in light of the fact that the first stone in ContenderMate was cast by the Irvinator himself. As for Schumacher's dire straights on the dire straight, everybody will come up with their own answer based on their own bias and nobody will ever agree with anybody else. My personal opinion? Schumacher did it deliberately out of force of habit. (I'll let you know when I start getting paid to be rational and reasonable). COMPETITION What was Ron Dennis saying to Eddie Jordan as Jordan's cars ran 1st and 2nd with 10 laps to go? Grand Prize is your name mentioned in the next Insider. Second prize, somebody else's name mentioned in the next Insider. (We reserve the right to substitute the advertised prizes with those of equal or higher value. Not redeemable for cash. Judges decisions are final and probably wrong). The following entries will not be accepted on the grounds that they're not very funny:
Entries on a postcard to mccann@atlasf1.com. Must be mailed by yesterday. AND FINALLY... I wish I had a penny for every penny I saw lying on the ground. I just wish it wasn't all in pennies. |
| Mitch McCann | © 1998 Atlas Formula One Journal. |
| Send comments to: mccann@atlasf1.com | Terms & Conditions |