If you don't have a sense of humour, if you lack patience, hate crowds and loathe being pushed and jostled, don't go to Monza.

However, if you have a good sense of humour and long for the fun side of F1, how it used to be and indeed how it should be, reserve your place for the 1998 GP now.

There are three "must see" events on the current F1 calendar - Monaco, Spa and Monza.

Monaco is a great event not just for the sheer glamour of Monte Carlo but for the proximity of the cars. The sound of the engines can be heard throughout the Principality and must surely be louder than they are at any other event. The lap record at Monaco may only be a shade over 90 mph compared to the 150+ at Monza, but at Monaco you get a far better idea of the speeds.

Spa is simply magnificent. At some point over the weekend, you must endeavour to walk the whole circuit (not for the faint hearted). TV does not do justice to many of the circuits used in the current F1 Championship but Spa seems to come off worst of all. You've heard all the talk about Eau Rouge.. you've seen it on TV. However until you walk down the hill where the old pits are and stand in the dip with Eau Rouge in front of you, looming like the Eiger, you don't have any idea of how monumental that corner is. On your television screen the "climb" to Les Combes looks flat... try walking it.

Then, there's Monza.

O.K. this year's race was like waiting for something that never happened. As I predicted in my last article, the race was won (and lost) in the pits. However, throughout the weekend people were going off all over the place -- such was the lack of grip. It was clear that the race would either need some very special heroics or would be decided by the most efficient pit crew.

In my opinion, Alesi should have come in earlier. I was timing him and at half distance his times were erratic, never more than half a second, but we all know what that means in F1.

From the very start of the weekend, it was evident that Ferrari were not going to be on the pace, indeed their performance during the tyre tests had clearly indicated this.

We arrived in Italy on Tuesday 2nd September. As in previous years, we were staying in the town of Como, situated at the Southern tip of Lake Como, which nestles at the foot of the Alps. From here you can get to Monza in about 45 minutes by road, or half an hour by train (more of that later). Milan is just over an hour away whilst Verona and Venice are also easily accessible.

On Thursday, my other half made the three hour train trip to Venice, the most romantic city in the world, whilst I went to Monza.

Even though there was nothing going on at the track, it was still fairly busy. I saw Katayama and Barrichello arrive and now know where I will be next year with my cherished copy of Piloti. Since there were no activities going on, I was afforded the opportunity to walk round much of the circuit.

Once the race meeting is on, security is greatly stepped up, mainly to ensure that nobody sneaks in without paying (as if) and also to prevent slogans being painted on the track. Therefore Thursday is an ideal opportunity to visit the banking.

Although the track has been greatly altered over the years in respect of the chicanes and so on, the original circuit is virtually intact. Walk out into the country to the old banking, with the beauty of the forest and the sound of birdsong, you could be back in the thirties, forties, fifties or early sixties. Monza is full of ghosts; as you stand at the edge of the banking, you can almost feel Nuvolari thundering round towards you. The sense of motor racing history is overwhelming. I cannot begin to describe it to you. You must see it for yourself.

The lack of crowds means you can visit the various shops situated behind the pits without the hassle over the rest of the weekend. The Libreria has a superb selection of books, models and posters. I spent twenty minutes with Jabby Crombac trying to work out one of the autographs on a poster from the 1972 Canadian Grand Prix: Graham Hill, Peter Revson, Ronnie Peterson - what a superb addition to my collection and how wonderful it would look on my wall... maybe next year... if I win the lottery.

On Friday we watched the first practice session from the outside at Parabolica and moved to the inside for the second. We were watching Katayama (affectionately known as Noddy due to his head bouncing around more than any other driver's) when something seemed to go wrong on his right front suspension. The car careered along the Armco, skimmed over the gravel trap, and crashed into the tyre barrier with a sickening thud. It all happened so quickly. And, what was really scary was that the gravel trap hadn't seemingly done its job. The rescue services were in action within seconds. In no time at all Prof Watkins had arrived in the safety car. I don't know whether it was intentional or not but the safety car seemed to try to drive through the gravel trap. Upon trying to leave the scene, the safety car with Prof Watkins and Katayama on board became embedded. This of course drew great applause from the spectators, as does most anything that happens on the track.

We were having lunch in the Village Restaurant behind the pits, when I saw Prof Watkins take his usual seat behind us. I had to satisfy my curiosity. "Professor, may I quickly ask you two questions?", "Of course" he replied. "Did you mean to drive so far into the gravel trap to get to Katayama?" and before I could ask my second question he'd already answered it "I'm afraid Arturio (Merzario) was a little over enthusiastic" he laughed. It was only then that I realised that the safety car's driver had been wearing a Stetson. Who else could it have been?

Friday had been busy, but not as busy as in 1996. It seems that the circuit have now raised the prices they charge for the various concessions. As a result, there were less food and souvenir stands, though don't for a minute think this means you'll go hungry or miss out on some of the wonderful tat these people sell!

What was really noticeable throughout the weekend was the discernible cooling towards Ferrari. O.K., when you watched the race on Sunday it was a mass of red, so what am I talking about? Well, believe me, it's true. Usually Ferrari manage to do something special for qualifying at Monza. No matter how bad a season they're having, the cars from Maranello usually pull something out of the bag. It was obvious from the outset that this was not to be the case in 1997. Also, the Italians now have someone else to cheer for other than Ferrari and I don't mean Minardi or the other Italian team (tee hee) Benetton... they have Giancarlo Fisichella.

Support for the little Italian was tremendous. On several occasions over the weekend whilst Michael or Eddie were on flying laps, the cameras focused on Giancarlo. The Italians can sense that after all these years of waiting for a messiah to take them out of the F1 wilderness, he may have arrived. I am not going to whip up any controversy now, but how long before Ferrari put in a very, very serious bid for Fissi. After all, somebody has to give Michael a run for his (the) money.

The other factor that could play a part in the cooling of the Tifosi is the German element. In 1996, it was strange and amusing to watch the hordes of Germans parading around Monza as at every other circuit (bar Silverstone) swathed in red. I still can't get used to the sight of thousands of Germans cheering alongside the Tifosi (and I don't think they've got used to it either).

On Saturday we watched from the main (Centrale) grandstand. It was announced that at 12 noon there would be a minute's silence in tribute to The Princess of Wales. We didn't know at this time that the FIA headed by Max Moseley had apparently been against the idea. It went ahead led by Damon Hill and was extremely moving, all the more so in this place normally filled with noise and activity.

Saturday also saw the arrival of the local and highly illegal wide boys (as we call them in the UK). It seemed that every available spot had a local version of "find the lady". The dealer has three shells or cups and hides a pea under one of them. You have to gamble on which one. Now, when I say that these guys were wall to wall, I mean wall to wall. They were everywhere. Some had their game laid out on cardboard, some on artificial grass. One guy had his laid out on an ironing board! Who in hell, you ask, walks into a Grand Prix circuit with an ironing board? Well, this is Italy.

We've all seen the films showing what crazy things Italians do, how they're the worst drivers in the world and so on. The thing about Italians and what makes my theory on the German Tifosi seem reasonable is that they are so wonderfully disorganised.

Come race morning, should you be brave enough to venture to the shops behind the pits, you will be met by a solid sea of bodies. There is no organisation, no segregation of pedestrian flow, but then again it's not just pedestrians. There are cars, police cars, official's cars, hospitality vehicles and more police cars. Then, there are bicycles and motorcycles and people pushing prams. You have never seen anything like it in your life before. You don't know whether to laugh or cry at the sheer stupidity. Then, you get the ladders. In the midst of this sheer and utter mayhem you have people pushing through with sets of ladders. Not the little step ladders you might have in the kitchen but professional ladders for window cleaning that need two people to carry them. Everyone is shouting, pushing and cursing... it's wonderful. This year I actually saw people picking up their bicycles and passing them overhead to their friends... never mind the roof of the Porsche that got scratched in the process.

Tickets for Friday are all General Admission and are bookable in advance, but there are always plenty available on the day. They cost approximately £18 each but allow free access to all the grandstands. If you want to make full use of the free grandstand seats I'd advise you to get there as early as possible as the more popular stands fill up very quickly.

On Saturday, you can again get General Admission tickets. However, the better stands cost extra and usually need to be reserved in advance. Our tickets for the Centrale cost around £37 which gives you a good view of the start finish straight and there are a couple of giant TV screens. The Centrale houses a bar, cafeteria and a restaurant should you want to make the day even more memorable.

For the main event, we usually sit in the stands at the Prima Variente. This is the chicane at the end of the main straight where Hill hit the tyre barriers in '96 and Herbert had his disagreement with Ralf this year. We were delighted that the giant Ferrari banner that you always see in front of the rostrum was in our stand. It was passed overhead from one end of the stand to the other several times... it was absolutely wonderful to be part of all this.

Ascari is another spot that offers great viewing, as does the entrance to the Parabolica. If you don't mind a walk, the second chicane and the Lesmo Curves is worth the effort. If you want to really be part of the Tifosi then you've got to be there early... very early. You'll also need to take everything you'll need for the day - wine, food, flag, air horns and more wine. Grandstand prices for the GP range from £80 to £170. A three day general admission ticket will set you back just £50.

If you do go with one of the major travel companies, you'll find that they lay on coaches to take you to the circuit and back each day. For us, however, one of the highlights of the trip is travelling into Monza each day by train. On Friday, you get the same train as all the workers commuting into Milan. At Monza Station, there is a free bus service which drops you at the main gates to the circuit. It's a great way to travel in and out each day, superb for getting yourself in the mood.

I guess you can tell I'm pretty hung up on Monza. I urge all of you to make it there just once. I know, it's easy for me here in the U.K. to tell someone in Brazil, New Zealand or North America to hop across to Italy. So, if you're a real F1 fan, make this the trip of a lifetime. With the Belgian and Italian GPs now virtually back to back, you could make it even more special.

If you do go, let me know. I'd love to meet you all there and guide you round. Don't forget to bring your flags, your air horns and your sense of humour... but definitely no ladders.