Well, the 1996 Grand Prix of Brazil is now finished and the Formula One show is on its way to Buenos Aires. The race just completed certainly had its moments, especially the downpour as the cars were sitting on the grid. The rain precipitated (Pun definitely intended!) a great deal of dialog among the announcers and much scrambling on the part of the teams to make adjustments and refine strategies. Other than that, it served only to take some of the attention off on otherwise boring event.

Okay, okay, Eddie Irvine cracking-up on the first lap of practice, Tarso Marques out-qualifying his teammate Pedro Lamy, Rubens Barichello starting on the first row, and some momentary dicing between Alesi, Barichello, Schumacher, and Frentzen for places 3-6 provided some excitement. But, other than these minor occurances (Minor in the sense that they had no real bearing on anything significant in the greater scheme of things.), nothing really merits much attention. The fact that every car broke the 107 percent rule isn't worth any more type than this.

Now, I fully realize that all the Damon Hill fans will claim this was the most perfect race ever run, and I realize that all his detractors will say that anyone could have won in that car. But, other than Hill-lovers and Hill-haters, no one else really gives a damn. I also realize that all the Indy Car-haters and the Villeneuve nay-sayers will think that Jacques' spin proves that he can't drive with the likes of ____ (Fill in the name of the driver of your choice). But, again, such is nothing but drivel.

To what might we attribute this lackluster event? Could it be that there was no one around to stir-up a controversy? I, for one, couldn't help but notice that there were no sudden rules changes or strange rules interpretations. Similarly there was a lack of discussion concerning future race venues, either in Brazil or elsewhere. And, conspicuous by their absence were rumors concerning drivers, owners, sponsors, and precarious relationships between the three. Before anyone writes and condemns me for overlooking the McLaren-Marlboro-Mercedes rumor, please note that this rumor is so old it really isn't worth thinking about anymore.

Why the lack of grist for the discussion/rumor mill? Perhaps it is because the season is still young and certain patterns have yet to emerge. I can go along with that assessment, but there may be another explanation as well.

For the past few months newspapers everywhere have carried articles about Madonna and the hornets nest she is stirring-up by attempting to play the leading role in a new movie about Argentina's number one national heroine--Evita Peron. That she, considered by many to be a person of dubious virtue, is playing a person some people think was equally without morals, is about as important as the recently run Brazilian Grand Prix. However, what has people up in arms, especially Argentines, is that Madonna is trying to film this flick in Argentina! She is, to put it bluntly, screwing (again pun intended) on sacred ground.

Although there has been a great deal of press concerning Madonna's Argentine exploits in recent months, the past week has been one without so much as a drop of ink being printed about the blonde of pubescent boys' dreams (I could make a pun paralleling the track conditions at Interlagos but I won't. On second thought, maybe I just have.). Where did she go? What has she been doing?

Given that the recent race in Brazil was run without controversy, one is prone to think that Bernie Ecclestone must not have been anywhere around. Where could he have been? What could he have been doing? Bernie, of course, runs Formula One. Without him, grands prix would be, well...like the event we just witnessed in Brazil. Now, Bernie makes millions of dollars each year off the big show, so he has a vested interest in sticking close to each race. Something pretty big must have been going on to take him out of the picture this week. He is, after all, and to use some old Reggie Jackson parlance, "the straw that stirs the drink" in Formula One.

The absence of controversy in Formula One, and the simultaneous quietude in Argentina should raise more than a few eyebrows. Are Bernie and Madonna an item, and only they know about it? Who better could pull-off such an exploit? Elvis is long-dead, but people still see him. Paul McCartney died before the Sgt. Pepper album came out, but he seems to have been resurrected. Elvis and Paul were/are prominent personalities without equal in their times.

By today's standards, however, they would have to get in line behind the likes of Michael Jackson and his little boys and exotic animals; Princess Di and Prince Charles and the Queen; and Bill and Hillary Clinton and their friends and finances, just to name a few. But, the real world-class characters of the modern era have to be Madonna and Bernie.

Madonna is, well...Madonna. That just about says it all. Bernie is, well...Bernie. In the big picture of life on earth in the late 20th century, he may not be all that well-known, but Formula One fans know that he is the cat's meow in one circle. He is probably every bit as rich and powerful as Madonna, but to the outside world he plays it pretty low-keyed. In this regard, he is quite a contrast to Madonna. However, everyone who has passed 4th grade science knows that opposites attract. This is a match made in ...(I was about to say Heaven, but my fingers just couldn't press the keys).

Bernie and Madonna are probably relaxing together on some remote Brazilian beach. They may be there next week as well. We'll just have to wait and see. If the Argentine Grand Prix is as dull as the one in Brazil, and if Madonna isn't parading half-naked through the halls of the Palacio Gobierno in Buenos Aires, then our suspicions will be strengthen. They will be confirmed if the Grand Prix of Europe is exciting and girls from the Pampas to Patagonia start wearing stainless steel conical bras.

Maybe you found the Grand Prix of Brazil exciting, but as this article attests, I didn't.